August 13 - First day back at work has been completed and I think it went really well! I was welcomed back by bunches of flowers and numerous coworkers stopping by to give me hugs (I SO love hugs!). At 8:20 a customer actually called. I hesitated to answer because I don't know how comfortable I feel talking to people when I sound continuously drunk (again I'm thankful JT can't post on here!) but I decided to give it a try. It was a local customer needing a quote and he enthused about how glad he was that I was back. (I'm still wondering how he knew I would be back today, did a mass e-mail go out to my customer base??) I managed to read through all 858 e-mails that were in my in-box. I then started sorting through them and doing clean up. I think by noon on Wednesday I should be up to date with everything and ready to take over where I left off. Phew!

Had my simulation appointment today for radiation. I think the Ativan (anti-anxiety drug) that I took for the original fitting did a little more for me than I thought it had. I spent 25 minutes in the mask during that first appointment, because that's how long it takes to cool and form fit itself to the head, neck, and shoulders, and it was no problem whatsoever. Today, they clamped me onto the table in this mask for less than 10 minutes and I felt like I was going to lose my mind! It's a lot tighter than I remember it being and I'm not normally claustrophobic but I was silently talking myself into calmness the entire time I was there! Since I'll be doing this every day for 6-7 weeks, I am hoping I will adjust to it pretty quickly and not struggle internally for too many appointments in a row. We'll see. (I mentioned to Jer that keeping a bottle of tequila under my seat in the car and doing a shot before every appointment might be a viable option. He gave that plan the thumb's down. Urg.)

I talked to yet another doctor while I was there. We basically just reviewed what to expect. Dry mouth, difficulty eating, ropey saliva, red skin, weight loss, etc. In regards to the weight loss, I told her that I would really like to lose a total of 26 pounds during this process to hit my perfect weight and asked her if we could aim for that. She laughed and said it was definitely doable but they would prefer I lost as little weight as possible. <sigh> Work with me, people, work with me!

I was so busy buying myself some new tops to wear back to work that it didn't even occur to me to look for pants. The capris I wore today were falling off my ass all day long! I felt like I should join a rap group or something. Finally at the end of the day I complained to Lis about it. Instead of investing in belts, she showed me where to put a safety pin and have my pants stay up while still looking stylish. I have now put 5-6 safety pins in my purse, just in case.

I also wore my leopard skin sleeve today. Some lady stopped me in the parking lot to tell me how adorable it looked. Didn't I tell you I was going to set a new style trend?? Don't be surprised if I'm featured in Bazaar or Cosmo in the next couple of months! You can all say you knew me when..........

When Sammy and the kids were up to visit, Sam mentioned a couple of times that she was pleased and relieved that I looked so normal and like myself. She said that she had been really worried that I would look 'sick'. I walked around for two days trying to figure out how she was picturing me. I finally gave up. Then I spent this past Saturday at the Renaissance Festival with Patilda and she commented a few times about how great I looked. Just out of the blue, she would be looking at me and comment that I looked so much better than when she last saw me (in the hospital). Then all day today coworkers' faces were lighting up and they were exclaiming over how fantastic I looked. I told Lis I was kind of baffled. She said that people hear the 'c' word and they picture people all pale, and frail, with dark circles, etc. She said I have great color and am looking very healthy for someone who just had cancer. Plus she said when I was in the hospital I was all puffy and swollen and now that things have calmed down, I look a ton better. Okeydoke, I'll buy that. :-)

Other than that, I've been a bit frenetic as of late with my social life. I'm trying to do as much as I can with as many people as I can before I possibly take a swan dive into exhaustion 2-3 weeks into radiation. No sooner did I get home from the Renaissance Festival on Saturday, I went to the movies with JT to see Ted (again!). It was just as hilarious the second time around! Sunday I went to see the Batman movie with Luke.
This week is full of appointments, hair, vet, etc. This weekend is my 25 year class reunion. Not all that interested in going but I def want to meet my FB friend Karen. I went to school with her hubby from grade school all the way through high school. Tracked him down on FB but fell madly in love with her instead so we've been chatting off an on for 2 1/2 years now without ever having met! Still trying to work out a plan to make that happen this weekend. I'm also hoping to have my financial shenanigans in order this week so that I can take a drive to look at that piece of land this Sunday and possibly put an offer in on it!

Okay, I'm tired just talking about cramming all that stuff in this week. My glass of wine and I are headed up to bed to watch a couple of episodes of either Wings or The Vampire Diaries (needed a bit of a break from Dexter) and then it's lights out so that I can continue kicking ass and taking names at work tomorrow!

August 10 - Went back to the hospital dentist today to get my covers fitted. I am good to go. They are like partial retainers that just snap in. The fluoride trays are not needed until after radiation is complete. The dentist explained that wearing them while radiation  treatments are going on could be painful because my mouth is going to be very tender. I asked him what is the point of wearing them afterwards. He said that my mouth will not be producing saliva very well for a couple of months after radiation treatments stop and the job of saliva is to strengthen and protect your teeth. The fluoride trays will help do the job that my saliva glands will be slacking on.

He wanted to know what the docs had suggested for keeping my mouth moist. I told him the only thing I remember them saying is to suck on candy. He said that wasn't very good advice. I protested that there may have been more but my brain was kind of hung up on the fact that I might vomit in the mornings due to the 'ropey' saliva! He said that very few people get sick in the morning from the thickened saliva and I should stop worrying about it. He said sugar free candy to suck on is okay. Sugar free gum would be better. I told him I'm still having chewing trouble so I'm not sure that will be an option right away. He also suggested I get a misting humidifier for next to my bed. Luckily I have one of those so I'll be installing it next to my bed this weekend. He also told me to stay away from diet soda, and acidic fruit juices and that I should basically keep a bottle of water handy at all time and simply sip it throughout the day.

Just as an aside, I have some totally hunky men doctoring me. Unfortunately, they've all been wearing wedding bands. Not that cancer girl should be thinking about dating but still...........

Went to see the movie Ted with Sush on Wednesday night. Absolutely the funniest (and raunchiest!) movie I have ever seen in my life! And even better, I was able to eat popcorn! Granted, I had to eat it one kernel at a time and I had to use my finger to make sure it was pushed over into the left side of my mouth, but  it was still progress! (And salt, finally!)

My other small triumph was talking on the phone. I went to reach for something and I clamped the phone between my ear and my shoulder. Yeah, I know. So what, you ask. Well, I had not been able to do that for a while because my neck was too stiff to bend over that far! It's really amazing the dumb little things in life that get taken for granted up until they're taken away. I'm so happy to be getting some of them back again. :-)

Thank goodness Lis and Kunkel are around to nag me. I totally forgot about my PET scan! The girls came to see me at lunch just an hour or two ago and I promised to call the radiation doc as soon as they left. Which I did and good news. The rest of my body is clean, clean, clean.Woo hoo!

I've been continuing on with getting as many big projects completed as I can before radiation starts. Today my day has been dedicated to thoroughly cleaning my basement. I went out and bought myself a power washer. A really good one this time and not the cheap $99 piece of crap that I bought a few years ago and it only worked for one summer. I am not ashamed to say that I grunted like Tim Taylor when I started this baby up! Power tools rock! So, I have power washed the entire basement floor, scrubbed all the litter boxes, done a bunch of laundry, etc. The last thing I'm working on is scrubbing down the bathroom. I've been using the main floor bathroom since I came home from the hospital but all of my frou-frou stuff is down in the basement bathroom so I want to start using it again. I have one more hour to complete this task before I need to jump in the shower and prep for the big poker game tonight.

The only other big task on my list that I haven't completed yet is my Walmart shopping to stock up for the long haul. I have that planned for Sunday and then I think I'm ready for whatever radiation will bring!

August 8 - Part II - OH! And the most important thing: I told the plastic surgeon what the 12 year old had said about me having to go back in to have excess 'tongue' removed. He said the kid is full of shit. That my tongue is simply still swollen and will continue to be that way for another couple of months. I told him I had a mini meltdown and was not happy when the kid had mentioned this last week. He asked for the kid's name. I think he's going to get 'spoken' to! Oops!

August 8 - Instead of Chrysa I actually got to see the big man himself today! He said my arm looks great. He was a little concerned with the last small piece of scabbing. I had to grab him before he started picking at it! I told him not to worry about it, it's going to soften up in the shower and fall off in the next couple of days. He laughed at me for shooing him away from it. He told me to wear the bandages for another week or two and then I can remove them. The graft is good to go. No limitations on lifting. I was a little worried as I lifted Mason's 4 year old chub butt into a swing yesterday but it turns out my hesitation was due to loss of some of my super strength, not due to skin grafts being on the verge of rupturing. ;-p

He also commented on the fact that the incision on the right side of my neck looks like crap. It made me snort because I had just complained to Sammy yesterday that it had looked so much better up until it got infected and re-opened itself twice! I told him about the infections and drainage. He wanted to know what the ENT dude had said about it. I told him I hadn't seen the ENT dude since the hospital and I'm not scheduled to see him again until 10/19. He was a little surprised by this but then he told me to come back and see him 6 months after my radiation treatments end. He said that he can often do some "clean-up" to make incisions look better. I told him that I was hoping it would look better all on its own once the bullfrog effect went away in a year or two. (Made him laugh again with the bullfrog comment!) He said it probably would. So maybe I'll see him, maybe I won't.

I posed Sam's question about using Mederma or some other stuff on the scars. He said it's pointless to do anything until after radiation because radiation is going to make everything a bunch worse. Yay.

And with that, I 'graduated' from the plastic surgeon. They should be faxing over a letter today letting my work know that I can get my butt back on the job on Monday. Woo hoo! I can't describe the huge wave of euphoria that swept over me when he okayed my return to work. Better than any drugs or alcohol! I miss my customers! I miss my coworkers! Hell, I even miss my boss who drives me up a wall on a weekly basis!

My wave of euphoria swept me out the door and down the road a mile to the mall for a little retail therapy. I'm not usually a shopper but some new outfits to wear back to work might make me feel better about the bride of Frankenstein look I've got going on, right? Plus, I gave myself a pedicure last night, I'm getting my eyebrows done tomorrow, and I have a message in with my hair stylist that I'm waiting for her to return. I'm going back with as much style as I can muster!

So, this week is all about hanging with peeps one last time before the radiation starts. Yesterday was Sam, tonight is Sush, Friday are the poker guys, Saturday is Patilda, and Sunday is Luke. Busy but fun!

August 7 - You ever have one of those days? My appointment with the RGH dentist was at 9:00  this morning. Last week the radiation nurse told me to just park in the cancer center parking lot and check in at the front desk and they would tell me where I needed to go. Based on this, I skated out the door at 8:40 since the hospital is less than 3 miles from my house. Unfortunately, they changed the code on the cancer parking lot so I had to park a couple of blocks away and walk back. Then the front desk had no idea where I was supposed to be and it took them a bit of time to figure it out. I didn't get to the desk for the dentist until 9:05 which makes me twitchy, hate being late. Then there was quite a line and when I finally got to the window, they had me filling out paperwork that I had already filled out for the cancer center a couple of weeks ago. I asked them what was up with that since they're all a part of the same hospital. Something about the computer systems still getting tied in and they hope to be on-line with the rest of the hospital by January. So, I didn't actually get checked in until 9:30. How embarrassing!

And of course, nobody seemed to know why I was there to see the dentist. I told the dentist what I thought I was there for but I also told him I wasn't sure. It seems like nobody talks directly TO me, I simply listen in to all of the conversations the health care professionals have with each other. Poor guy felt bad. He said "Okay, well I'm talking TO you so let's figure this out together". (I liked him!) So, it turns out I need "covers" that I will need to wear during radiation because of my bridge and my crown. He will also be making me fluoride trays which get worn after radiation. Getting the impression taken of the top part of my mouth was not fun. The goop felt like it was going halfway down my throat and I started gagging. Dentist talked me through it but I'm pretty sure he's going to have bruises around his wrist tonight from where I was clutching at him. I have to go back on Friday morning for a final fitting at which point he will hand over the covers and trays to me.

I noticed yesterday that I am actually putting my teeth together now. Hooray! Unfortunately, it takes more than this to be able to chew. It would seem when you chew, your tongue moves around quite a bit. While I am still stuck eating soft foods, it felt really good to see some actual improvement in the swelling!

Sammy and the ankle biters came to see me today. We walked down to the neighborhood park and had a lot of fun with balloons, frisbees, swings, etc. It felt great to have a kid day! Of course I am now completely wiped out and I'm heading to bed to watch some more Dexter and call it an early night.

More to come tomorrow after I see Chrysa!

August 4 - Nothing huge to report but I know some peeps get anxious if I don't post regularly so just some random blurbs about stuff:

My radiation appointments have been changed to 11:45. I am much happier with that timeslot. I can now consider these appointments my lunch break.

The scabbing on my arm is almost completely gone. There is just one small spot left where the large rub spot from the tendon was trying to escape. Otherwise, there is pink, healthy skin everywhere and it looks less of an eyesore with each passing day! I made the executive decision to stop wearing the splint this past Thursday. I had been wearing it for 2 weeks longer than expected so I'm pretty sure Chrysa would approve. I am now wearing just bulky bandaging and an Ace wrap so that I don't bump the graft against anything and shear my poor, newly formed, baby skin. It feels good to be moving my wrist again (and typing with 2 hands instead of the dreaded hunt and peck method!). I also turned my Wii back on yesterday. Thank goodness. I am tired of reading, watching movies, and cleaning which is pretty much all I've been doing for weeks on end. It's nice to throw a new activity back into the mix!

I thought it would be a good idea to go outside and week whack some of the jungle that was taking over my back yard. Turns out this wasn't such a bright idea. One of the tree size weeds caused the whacker to kick back and hit me in the spot where they took skin off my thigh. Turns out this spot is a little delicate. So, there's a little scrape there now that has scabbed over. Meanwhile, no more power tools for me.

I hired a handyman/part-time housekeeper. He has already fixed my printer which has me super psyched. He now has a list of 50 more things that need to be taken care of around the homestead. I was bummed to hear his vehicle broke down yesterday though. Guess he won't be coming over to clean up my life until he gets that fixed. I'll be sitting over here patiently waiting in the meantime.....

Broke down and bought a bottle of wine on Thursday. Had a glass on that night and a glass last night. I would like the record to show that I went almost 5 full weeks without alcohol. I know my poker buds will be impressed with that (or else telling me how lame I am for waiting that long!).

If anything is going to need to be rehabilitated, it's going to be my jaw. I poked myself in the lip the other day with a fork because I couldn't get my mouth open wide enough for the bite of scrambled egg I was trying to eat. I don't know if my jaw is stiffening up from not chewing for so long, or if something got strained when they propped me open to do the surgery, or if my bite is going out of whack because this wad of flesh in my mouth is shoving things off to one side....whatever the reason, if I try to open my mouth too far, the jawbone pops and it bleeping hurts! Maybe the rehab for this will be to chew lots of gum once I'm finally able to chew. Chewing gum sounds like a fun way to get things moving again!

So, since I have the uber cute sleeves to cover my arm, Patilda and I were discussing the neck incisions. She was thinking some tattoos of lightning and big metal bolts. Or possibly some pretty scarves. She can be realistic when she puts her mind to it. ;-P

I've been experimenting all over the place with foods that I can eat. Stuffed clams, ravioli, stuffed shells, pierogies, cinnamon buns, doughnuts, scallops, pumpkin pie, raw brownie batter, italian ice....

It's a bummer that there are a lot more sweet soft foods than there are salty soft foods. I am so not a sweet person (and I'm actually sick of ice cream at this point, can you believe it??). I broke down the other day and started sucking on potato chips because I was so desperate for something salty. I have also stocked up on split pea soup and have bought some cans of sardines and anchovies. Bring on the salt!

I'm still down the original 18 pounds but I've been holding steady at that weight which has been a relief. I'm a little worried about what type of nutrition I'm getting with the weird assortment of foods I'm eating though. What food group would you classify raw brownie batter in?? I should probably pick up a multi vitamin the next time I'm at the story.

Those are all the updates I have for now. This coming week I get fitted with the fluoride trays, Sam and the kids will be visiting, Chrysa will hopefully give me the thumb's up to move forward in life, Freedom gets his nails clipped, Lis and Kunkel are stopping in, and JT will be picking me up Friday night to whisk me away to a hot poker game because Mr. Price is actually going to be in town. Woo hoo!

August 2 - PET scan yesterday was fine. Went in and first they test your blood to make sure you did the no carb/fasting thing. (If you don't, they fine you $300!) My sugar count was 89 and they said anything below 100 meant that they could proceed with the test. They then shot me full of radioactive stuff and flooded my body with sugar through an IV. It turns out that cancer loves sugar so this whole process is to take pictures and see where, if anywhere, the sugar gravitates to in large quantities because it could indicate a hot spot for cancer. Have I mentioned that science is weird? Anyway, I then got to take my Ativan and sit quietly for 45 minutes for everything to take effect. Then I went into a big room with a very long tube. I had to lay down and hold very still for 45 minutes while I was randomly moved back and forth through this tube (I fell asleep!). Then I was done.

- Huge thanks to Leo for dragging my drugged butt around yesterday! And he totally saved me with the fruit smoothie after the appointment. I was starving! I'm surprised the vibrations from my rumbling tummy didn't cause their pictures to blur! You rock, Gammy!

- Kudos to the guy who put my IV in. I have discovered over the past couple of months that finding a vein in either of my arms is mission impossible. I STILL have bruises showing on my right arm where IV attempts were made a month ago! Anywho, dude yesterday took his time, got it first try, and it barely hurt. I told him I was coming back to him for all my poking from here on out!

- I scored a really cute pair of navy blue paper pants. They don't even feel like paper! Since they were just going to trash them, I asked if I could have them. They'll be great for when I want to do some painting!

And I'm ending today's blog with a comment on the famed "bucket list". Does everyone have one of these? I sure don't but I'm thinking I need one at this point. I'm going to rent and watch the movie this weekend and then put some thought into my list. The one thing that I have that may meet the parameters of being bucket list worthy is owning a piece of land. For over 5 years now I have been looking at plots of land that are at least 20 acres. I want someplace within a 2 hour drive that the dogs and I can go camping on. Plus 20 years from now (if I'm still kickin') I'd like to build a retirement cabin on it. My friend Kit had a gorgeous cabin built out in the woods a few years ago and I totally fell in love with it which is what got me thinking about it in the first place. So far it's simply been a daydream to own this land because my actual house still needs so much work but I think I need to make it a reality because it's always nice to have someplace peaceful to escape to. Stay tuned on this...........