August 31 - Another week of radiation is done. Last week I celebrated with cookies. This week it was cannolis. I'm not eating these yummy treats, of course, I'm bringing them to my radiation tech team. I told them since I am unable to eat anything, they have to do the celebrating for me. Needless to say, they're happy to oblige. :-)

So, I did it to myself again. Although the cheesy rice sounded good and I was out of pain due to the numbing gel, I once again forgot that everything tastes like metallic black pepper. My poor body is just not adjusting to this situation! I walk around hungry. Food looks really good. Food smells fantastic. But the moment it hits my mouth, it's not only disappointing, it's actually pretty disgusting. I was telling a friend that when I had the trach in, I had to reach up and cover it whenever I wanted to talk or needed to cough. I was still reaching up to cover it two weeks after it had healed over. It amused me that I trained into a habit so fast. Luckily, I trained myself right back out of it. So I don't understand why I'm struggling with the good smell/bad taste thing. I'm guessing senses are harder to re-train than repetitive actions??

I'm also wondering what my eating habits are going to be like when all is said and done. I've been eating very small quantities, extremely slowly for months on end now. Am I going to continue that and keep the weight off or am I going to binge, binge, binge and inhale everything in sight for months on end once everything is back to norm? I was telling JT this morning that I have hit a new low. I was playing a game on my computer where you have to assemble ingredients, cook food, and serve your customers before time runs out and it was making me absolutely famished! If my saliva glands were working there would have been a puddle on the computer desk. Things have gotten pretty sad when even cartoon food can illicit such a response.

Work was much better today with the numbing gel in hand. Although the gel only worked so long as I didn't talk. The moment I started talking, my tongue would rub against my teeth and the pain was excruciating! Lis hung a sign in my cubby that says "Don't talk to me, I'm in stealth mode.". She said to just point at it when coworkers pop over and expect verbal responses from me.

When you get ex-rays at the dentist, they drape a lead apron over you. I've noticed that I have nothing of the sort during the radiation treatments. I asked my tech team yesterday if they were secretly sterilizing me. Mind you, I wouldn't care in the least, my baby making years have passed me by and I'm happy to go to the grave without helping to populate the earth, I was just curious. Turns out the equipment they use is so high tech, there is zero scatter from the rays. They said they could stand in the room right next to me during treatments and they would not be affected. This made me wonder why there is a 2 foot thick door that they close every time they leave the room before starting my treatment but whatever. Sometimes you just need to smile and nod to get through life. ;-P

I'm off to bed and I plan to spend my 3 day weekend resting and relaxing as much as possible. (Might do a little shoe shopping too but we'll see.) Everyone have fun and be safe. Talk at you on Tuesday!