December 21 - Today is just a purge of all the random tidbits that have been plaguing me. I'm hoping I can get them all out of my system and stop being a mopey whine ass.

Melatonin isn't doing squat and I even took it twice last night! Not sure I'm supposed to do that but I was getting a little desperate. Meanwhile, it didn't help and now I'm running on 3 hours sleep today. Bleah.

Jer was complaining that he usually gets me alcohol for Christmas and since I no longer can drink (tastes horrible!) he's at a loss. Went to the movies with Luke last night and he was complaining that he usually buys me gifts that revolve around food and since I'm not eating, HE'S at a loss. It made me laugh to have them complaining about how difficult I'm making the gift buying thing. Dorks! :-)

JBB has been riding my butt about my weight. Due to her efforts, I made a peanut butter and banana smoothie this morning that wasn't too awful. With a scoop of protein powder, it was 425 calories. I resolve to drink one of those every morning for the next week and a half.

And thank goodness, only 6 hours and 19 minutes until 11 wonderful days off from work. I am SO looking forward to it! There will be knitting, movie watching, Wii playing, and book reading galore. (Kim - I'm slowly working my way through The Passage so that I can get that mailed back to you!) (JBB - the book you lent me is next on the list after that!) I'm also going to buzz into the Syracuse area to spend a night with Patilda, barring any bad weather, just for the heck of it.

Since the start of my adventure, I've noticed I'm much more aware of every time cancer is mentioned, whether it's a magazine article, or in a movie, etc. And on top of that, it seems like a large number of people who have had cancer, also get cancer a second time in a different place. Kind of like once exposed, you're more susceptible. Is this true or am I being over sensitive??

The gagging thing is still going on. Usually twice a day. Every day I have to resist calling Nurse Jane and crying to her that I need (want!) more pain meds. They sure made life a much more pleasant place to be. I'm once again pissed that alcohol has been ruined for me. It would have made a good substitute for the pain meds AND added some calories into my diet. Empty ones I know but hey, I'll take whatever I can get.

In the movie theatre last night I wore a turtleneck, a sweatshirt, my coat, and my gloves and I still froze my ass off the entire time I was there. I had to permanently change my thermostat at home a couple of nights ago too. I usually keep it at 67 when I'm home and awake, 64 when I'm not home or asleep. Wednesday night I woke up in the middle of the night (for the third time) and even with a blanket, a huge down comforter, and being on the second floor (where all the heat rises to) I was shivering! So, it's now 70 when I'm home and awake, and 67 when I'm not home or asleep.

This morning I tried walking in a manner that allowed my thighs to rub together. Personally, I think your thighs are supposed to touch, at least a little. I think it's gross when I see the twig legs on women in magazines. They look like they've been riding a horse every day for 10 years straight. Anywho, I was unsuccessful getting my thighs to touch. On the bright side, I reenacted the exercise for Kunkel at work this morning which made her laugh so it was good for something. :-)

Yesterday I went to Dunkin Donuts and told the chickadee behind the counter that I'm trying to gain 20 pounds and asked her to make me the most fattening drink that she could think of. I walked out of there with a frozen mocha caramel latte something or other. And yes, the first couple of sips made me scrunch my face in disgust but I eventually got used to the taste of coffee again. I had forgotten that that is yet another item I have given up. I hope my k-cups stay good for a while! Anyway, when I got back to work, I used the rest of my lunch hour to create a spreadsheet of the most fattening drinks at DD as well as Starbucks to keep in my purse. The closest thing I could find to what she had made for me was 1050 calories. She rocks!

Luke mentioned that Flag's supposedly has a really good seafood bisque. He and I are going to try to meet up and go check it out sometime in the next couple of weeks.


Okay, I'm off to get something productive done for work. I hope everyone stays safe for the holidays and that Santa at least brings you something that makes you smile!