September 21 - It has been a really bad week. Get ready for one long whine.

My throat is absolutely killing me. I'm not doing so well with forcing myself to drink (3) Ensures each day. I think I've only managed 1.5 - 2 each day this week. It simply hurts too much! This means I'm not getting any energy for my body to burn while it's healing. This is probably part of the reason for the nausea, dizziness, and exhaustion that have landed hard on me this week.

Talking has been awful as well. My tongue has pretty much rolled over and died. The numbing gel isn't working as well as it was in the beginning either. The phlegm inside my mouth is at its all time worst too which also makes talking difficult. And yes, I have been wiping my mouth out like crazy with tissues and it's definitely as unattractive as I thought it would be. It also hurts to be swiping my tongue like that but the pain is the lesser of two evils when it comes to phlegm taking over.

I threw up today for the very first time since the treatments started. Granted, there wasn't much to come up other than some medicine and water but it was still really unpleasant. Then I was gagging all morning at work which was not thrilling me (and JT wasn't thrilled to be listening to it either!). It's because something is touching the back of my throat and causing the gag reflex. I had the doc look at it when I went to my appointment this morning. She said my tongue has now swollen up from the radiation. I'm picking up a prescription for some light steroids tomorrow to hopefully keep it from swelling any further. I don't know why but I was under the impression that the radiation would not cause any swelling. Thank goodness it waited until the last week but it would have been nice to have escaped it totally.

I also lost control of some bodily functions this morning. Luckily I was at home when it happened but it was still pretty horrifying. I will be working from home all of next week so that I don't run the risk of mortifying myself for life in public.

Another reason for working from home is the fact that our offices are absolutely freezing. I'm wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and my teeth were still chattering today. Although I'm also still walking around flushed and running a fever of 99.5. Not enough to get concerned about but just enough to make me constantly uncomfortable. The weight loss probably isn't helping me either. All my nice warm fat is being stripped away.

I actually did think of a positive today as I was getting dressed. Being a yo-yo dieter, I have an entire wardrobe in size 12, in size 10, and in size 8. There's a few size 14 and a few size 6 items in there as well. But definitely 3 entire wardrobes. So, with this weight loss thing going on, I don't have to spend any moulah on new clothes because there are entire wardrobes waiting in the wings. How sweet is that?

Sigh. So yeah, it's been a crappy week. My tech team received vanilla cream puffs today. They asked me if I was excited to only have 2 more appointments left. I told them that with the way I'm feeling, I'm not sure I'm going to make it! They pooh-poohed me and said I was doing great. Whatever. Okay, I'm done whining. I'm off to drug myself and crawl back into bed.