Can't I just leave it at that?
Do you really want to hear my grumblings??
Fine.
I was told to report to the hospital at 11:30 and my procedure was at 1:00. Why I continue to hope for the best, I have no idea. I'm kind of stupid like that. Toby picked me up, we buzzed over, and they walked me into the back to get prepped immediately, I didn't even have a chance to sit down in the waiting room. I thought that was a good sign. Once I was in my lovely hospital gown with an IV drip going, they brought Toby back and we gabbed, and looked at wedding pictures, and basically killed time. At 1:40 I asked him if he could go check at the desk and make sure they hadn't forgotten about me. They told him they were supposedly sending someone down to get me right then. I told Toby he could go ahead and take off, he said he'd be back at 4:30. Five minutes after he left, they actually did come get me.
I was then rolled to a drafty and very empty hallway where they parked me and once again seemed to forget about me. The dose of Vicodin that I had taken at 10:15 that morning started wearing off around 3:00 and by 3:30 I was lying there quietly crying because the whole side of my face ached and throbbed. A couple of different nurses popped out to see me here and there and kept telling me they would see about some pain meds, or find out when I was really going to be taken into surgery. Then they would disappear, never to be seen again. I'm pretty sure there's an unmapped black hole behind the door they kept going through and they were all swept into a vortex. I should probably report it to someone, I'm sure their families are worried.
I'm not even sure what time they finally rolled me in for the procedure. I'm guessing it was around 4:00 - 4:30. They had told me that they don't put you all the way under for this procedure and they weren't kidding. I was strapped onto a table and some big 3 monitor assembly was rolled up right in front of my face. I'm assuming so the doc could see what he was doing, not for the benefit of entertaining me with video of my insides. Meanwhile, I was literally screaming in pain as they jabbed some cable up my nose and down my throat. And I do indeed remember bits and pieces of the whole surgery with me thrashing and yelling the whole time. It was not pretty.
Back in my room, all I can say is 'ow'. It wasn't even the penetration site of the feeding tube that was hurting. It was the massive stomach contractions that continued to make me cry. Morphine didn't even touch this pain so they tried something called Dilaudid which helped for all of an hour so they upped the dosage. I was finally out of pain for two hour increments at a time. The nurse, Kelly, who was an absolute sweetheart, called the doctor and found out that whatever mix of meds they gave me during the procedure are known to sometimes cause the 'cramping' that I was experiencing. It was hell.
Meanwhile, Toby came back to visit me for a bit. Since I won't be eating from here on out I gave him a Groupon that I had for a beer/appetizer pairing. He and his wife took advantage of the Groupon that very night. It sounds like it was a fun time!
Baby doll finally got over to see me around 8:30. I asked Kelly what the visiting hours were. She said they end at 8:00 but that she didn't mind if someone wanted to come in later than that. Thank goodness because the love of my life stayed until after midnight. I kept falling asleep and I would wake up and he would just be sitting there, patiently holding my hand. God I love that man.
So, the night was spent sleeping in 2 hour increments and then getting up and shuffling me and my IV pole to the bathroom and then getting back to my room where Kelly would administer more Dilaudid. She was truly awesome. As soon as she would hear me raising the head of my bed she would enter the request for the next dose of meds so they would be ready for me by the time I got back to my "room". She and I had quite a seamless system going.
They finally sprung me around 11:00 the next morning and Toby saw me safely back home by 11:30. Upon arriving home I discovered (7) new messages on my answering machine. The Visiting Nurse (VN) place had called (5) times, looking to come to my house to teach me how to use my shiny, new G tube. You would think that after not getting an answer, they would wait for me to call back but the chick actually showed up at 10:00 and left me a final message while sitting in my driveway. I have no idea why they thought this training would happen in the morning but whatever. The other (2) messages were from the place that wanted to drop off my feeding supplies. At least that was just one call from the driver and one call from the dispatch center. I called them back and they had the supplies delivered to me within the hour. I finally have a use for my empty spare bedroom other than hosting poker games. It's now my medical equipment warehouse. They dropped off ~7 cases of Jevity, a slew of syringes, gravity feed bags, an IV pole, tape, and sterile gauze. They said it's a one month supply based on the doctors currently wanting me to 'eat' 6 cans a day. They told me my insurance covers 90% of the costs so my co-pay for this one month supply was $40. Now there's a grocery bill I can get behind! ;-)
I was finally able to get a hold of the VN place and a nurse came out to see me around 4:15. She was nice enough but as usual, not quite on the ball. She went over a bunch of medical stuff with me, showed me how to give myself the feedings, etc. During the course of all this she asked me if I had ever had a feeding tube before and I said no. Then when she was showing me how to do clean up on everything, I was struck by some major cramping (Nurse Jo Ann was right! But I'll get to that in a minute.) and she asked me if I normally experience cramping or diarrhea after a tube feeding. I just looked at her through my haze of pain and the word bubble over my head said WTF?!? but my mouth said "This is my first feeding ever so I really can't answer that.". At which point she was like oh, that's right. <sigh> Anyway, I forgot that Nurse Jo Ann had told me to 'eat' slowly the first few times to avoid cramping. The nurse and I just put the tube on full throttle which ended up being a very bad idea although on the bright side the feeding only took 20 minutes. Later in the evening I sat down and 'ate' dinner with baby doll. I made sure to slow down the drip this time. The feeding took 50 minutes but I had absolutely no cramping afterwards so it was well worth slowing it down.
It was good to be back in my own bed last night although it was a slightly uncomfortable night of rest. At least it wasn't due to cramping, just general soreness in my abdomen. It was a little tricky trying to cuddle up to my sweetie with this thing poking out of me as well. Today I realized that the tape they sent over is likely to tape it down to my body so that it's NOT poking out. So, that's what I did when I dressed for work this morning. If I wasn't hunched over, shuffling around, while tenderly holding my stomach, you might not know that anything was amiss! I took my IV rig into work this morning too and gave myself a feeding at my desk with a couple of coworkers looking on. Easy peasy!
Today was just a half day because a) I would have had to leave at 2:30 for my doctor's appointment anyway and b) I forgot to put Vicodin in my purse so I was a hurting unit by the time noon came around.
My lawyer Ted (Scott's big brother) stopped by the office this morning and I signed my will and had it witnessed. I'm glad I finally got that in place. JBB can picture me gleefully putting a big, fat check mark next to that action item. ;-)
Scott's Corvette was delivered on Wednesday so I got to take a ride in it last night. It truly is a beautiful piece of machinery. I think it's going to be a source of joy for him for many years to come.
My coworker Chris who works remotely from one of the Carolinas I think, was in town this week. He stopped over to let me know that he just discovered my blog and we talked about my big adventure. His wife is an occupational therapist. I guess he shared some of the blog with her and she didn't like Dr. C's attitude about my quality of life either. She works with patients all the time who have gone through the same types of surgeries I've been through and she's seen amazing results. He also sent me an e-mail this morning with some GREAT info on ASL as well as a local contact. I didn't realize that MCC actually teaches basic ASL so I plan on looking into that.
The VN also mentioned that I should call my phone company and ask them about a program they might offer where if I answer the phone, I can type my response to the caller and the operator will read my response to them. That would certainly come in handy. I was wondering how I was going to order my feeding supplies each month. You would think there was an electronic/internet option for everything these days but I have found that's not always the case.
And I've been slacking on pictures lately because there's been a lot of stuff to talk about but I'm going to add some here.
Scott and I having some Segway fun:
Did I mention that baby doll turns 51 this coming Wednesday? I bought him an IPad for his birthday. Yeah, he might be a little spoiled. ;-)
I also received an e-mail from Applebee's recently. They were promoting something called the "Desk Decoy". It's a blow-up doll that you're supposed to leave at your desk so that you can go out for lunch at Applebee's. Whatever. I bought one for both JT and for baby doll. They've both been having a blast with them at the office:
And with that, I'm out of here. Wonder if I can sneak in a quick nap before my sweetie comes to pick me up in his Corvette to take me to my doctor's appointment in style............
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