August 9

The date is set. Surgery officially happens on Thursday, August 22nd.

My immediate feeling was relief. Finally. We're once again moving forward. There is a day on the horizon when the progress of this tumor will be halted. I can once again start planning things and now have a completion date to work towards. I called the insurance company to start the short term disability paperwork. I gave my boss the head's up so that they can move a little faster in finding a long term temp. I started packing the bag I'm going to take with me to surgery as well as the one that somebody will be bringing me after the surgery. Let's get this show on the road so that I can begin the long journey back to recovering as much of myself as will be possible or, let's say it together people, reaching my new norm.

The next feeling in line was fear. I now have the date of when my life forever changes. Again. How hard is it going to be this time around? I keep trying to pep talk myself. I made it through last summer and 6 months after surgery I was training for a 5k, traveling to Florida, as well as dating an incredibly hot man. The devil on my other shoulder keeps pointing out some not so fun facts though. Less than 5% of patients have cancer come back in an area that has already gone through radiation. Healing takes at least 4x longer in areas where radiation has occurred. This is on top of this particular surgery being much more complex with a larger 'flap' being installed. One of my surgeons actually felt that letting the cancer simply kill me was a valid option. My body is still 'run down' from the last go around with this evil beast. And on, and on, and on. I keep knocking the little bastard off my shoulder and telling him to get lost but he creeps back up every time I'm looking the other way. <sigh>

Meanwhile, the benefits meeting at work went really well. Currently, my company has no plans to 'can' me for being out for 6 months, FMLA or not. Should I require longer than 6 months, they will then need to reevaluate the needs of the company.

So, looking at the worst case scenario, if I DO lose my job, I can continue my health care coverage either through COBRA or through some new Obama Care program that's coming down the chute. The guy at the corporate office wasn't so sure about my life insurance. Normally it could roll over somewhere else but he's not sure since there is a pre-existing health condition. He's looking into it for me.

Looking at the best case scenario, if after 4 months the doctor tells me that I can work from home part time, for example 2 days a week a) short term disability allows for that. I would get paid 100% of my salary for 2 days from the company and 75% for the other 3 days from short term disability b) the company already gave me a laptop last year for working from home which I still have and c) my boss told me that he doesn't want me sacrificing my health in any way, shape, or form but the moment I feel up to coming back to work, even if it's remotely and only a day or two a week, he will be overjoyed to have me back. :-)

I never did hear from the swallowing/speech therapist this week. On the bright side, I have now figured out how not to choke on liquids so I'm okay not meeting with her. On Monday at 8:00 am I have an appointment with the reconstructive surgeon. My coworker/friend, H, has agreed to go with me and be my second set of ears for whatever information will be passed along. He hasn't been dragged to anything yet, other than bringing me numerous milkshakes last summer when I was recovering, so it's his turn to step up and be a part of this adventure. I told him to start thinking of questions.

The questions currently in my ever present notebook are: Approximately how long will I be in the hospital?  How long will the surgery take? When you split my jaw in the front, will my teeth be safe? (Do they get chipped, will they go crooked or fall out from trauma?) Do you actually break the jaw where it hinges to my skull or does it simply unhinge once you've cut down the middle? On the day of surgery it will have been 6 weeks since the PET scan. Will another PET scan be done shortly after surgery to make sure the cancer didn't spread during that time? Last year I didn't need any pain meds at all after surgery although they kept checking to see if I wanted morphine. But honestly, I wasn't in any pain. I was told that people with head and neck surgeries often don't feel any pain (although why that held true for my arm where they took the flap from as well, is beyond me). Is that going to hold true for this surgery too? Or because it's more complicated, will there be pain afterwards this time around?

Baby doll has been trained on how to pay my bills and how to update my blog. Unfortunately he will be in Myrtle Beach with his daughter the day I go in for surgery so my best bud, JT, will once again chauffeur me over there. If he really wants to get out of work this year, I might let him come sit in the waiting room with me this time, but no promises. JT will also be in charge of this blog for the first 3-4 days of my hospital stay since he did such an outstanding job last year. Then he goes out of town and baby doll comes back into town at which point he will take over. He is hoping to see me Sunday, 8/25 when he rolls back into town but if it's too late in the day then he's likely to swing by Monday morning before work to say 'hi'. He will then be in a position to keep the blog updated from there.

When I registered as a new patient at Strong, they asked me who they were allowed to give my health information out to. I asked if there was a limit and they said no. So, on the fly, I authorized JT, baby doll, my boss guy, and my mom. I'm going to see if I can type out a more comprehensive list and hand it over to them so that others, like Kunkel or Sammy, can call the hospital to get the scoop if they so desire.


Okay, I think that's all the health stuff for now. Other than thanking all that is good out there in the world for pain killers. Although I just took them at 1:30 when my insomnia first hit and it's only 3:45 now and my ear is already throbbing. Yet another reason for feeling relieved that the date is set. They will soon be removing the cause of my pain!

Fun stuff!

Going to the movies with Kit was a blast! We saw The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. Funny, funny movie. A lot more violent than I expected too. We both enjoyed it immensely! We stopped at Abbott's afterwards and had a good visit.

I took Tuesday off from work and went to the PGA with my sexy and charming man. It was a gorgeous day! We sat in our folding chairs on hole #17, drank a couple of beers, and watched a bunch of professional golfers practice their shots. Good stuff! We then hopped in the car and drove out to Oswego to visit Vic and T. I brought the fixings for dinner with me because any time I have a captive audience to force food on, I'm all over that! I made stuffed mushrooms which were a huge hit with the boys, I brought some chili that I had done up in the crock pot the day before, and I baked some chocolate chip cookies for dessert. We then sat out on their deck, had an adult beverage, and shot the breeze while absorbing the last of the beautiful day. Yet another good visit. :-)

Wednesday I took the afternoon off from work to go thrift store shopping with Elvisa. OMG. So.much.fun! We only made it to two stores but I collected a huge haul! I spent $125 and pretty much purchased an entire new wardrobe in size 2/4. So excited! And I forget how much fun it is to go shopping with someone else. El and I modeled clothes for each other, made fun of some of the crazier items we found, and chit chatted in between. Awesome!

Last night I subbed in on Kunkel's golf league because her partner couldn't make it. I couldn't hit the side of a barn with my ball last night but it was great seeing Kunkel outside of work. I forget exactly how inappropriate and mouthy that little, Italian, sexpot is! She was killing me!

Tonight is a quiet evening at home with the love of my life. I'm making him one of his fave dinners, cajun shrimp with mardi gras rice and I plan on doing a whole bunch of snuggling. I need to start storing up as much affection as I can! Tomorrow morning we get to sleep in and then kick off a late morning with bacon, eggs, toast, and mimosas. Then at 1:00 we will be going on an Adventure Segway tour. Very cool.

I suppose I should go crawl back into bed and see if my body is ready to sleep yet. I'm going to be dragging when my alarm goes off less than 3 hours from now!!