August 19

Well, I was just totally called out. I guess when I said I would have all this free time to blog while I "eat", I may have accidentally ramped up expectations on how often I blog. :-P

Let's see what kind of rambling falls out of my brain today.........

I worked a full day today. I was a little worried about it because after working only half a day on Friday I ended up wiped out, running a fever, and not feeling well at all. Luckily, today went okay. I'm definitely pooped but not to the point of being sick. And I totally kicked ass at work today! I finally got my customer distribution list cleaned up and sent out a mass e-mail letting my customers know I would be gone for the next 4-6 months and who they should contact for different aspects of my job. Thirty seconds after I hit send, my phone was ringing. There's an older gentleman who works at one of our local customer sites who has taken quite a shine to me for some reason. Whenever he calls to place an order, and he always calls first, then e-mails the purchase order, because he loves talking to me, it means I'm on the phone for at least 20 minutes shooting the breeze with him. So anyway, he knew about the cancer sitch last summer so as soon as he saw my e-mail, he knew. Poor guy was almost in tears on the phone. I wanted to reach out and give him a hug. I've never even met this guy! Anyway, I received a handful of inquiries back from some of my customers that I have a warmer relationship with than just business. I feel good that I finally got the word out. I meant to do it 2 weeks ago but just haven't managed it. Another bright spot to being at work today. I've already managed to 'eat' 6 cans of Jevity! I only managed to eat 5 on both Saturday and Sunday but I'm supposed to be eating 6. Since it's still early in the evening right now, I think I might go for can number 7 before I go to bed. That will help make up for one of the weekend days, right?

So, I went into the hospital weighing 109 pounds. I came home from the hospital hydrated beyond belief, because they certainly didn't feed me in there, and I weighed 114 pounds. This morning I've dropped back to 111 pounds. I was slightly bummed at first but hey, it was just water weight anyway and I'm still 2 pounds up from where I started so I'm ahead of the game as far as I'm concerned.

Baby doll said he tried commenting on my Saturday post but I guess it didn't "take". Here's what he said:
"I tried to post two points. 1) I also remember Doc M. saying radiation is only effective on rapidly multiplying cancer cells, but not the slow burning type. 2) I believe that thingy you were searching on your google journey of despair was an ultrasonic Doppler. It can indicate if your flap is alive without any invasive wires."

THIS is why I take people to my appointments with me. It's a Doppler, not a sonogram. That was seriously bugging me. I'm psyched that baby doll came through with that one.

I ended up having a bad night last night. My breathing is going downhill even more noticeably than before. I might be spending the next few nights on the couch because my throat seems to open a little if I'm siting up. I actually went looking for my inhaler in the middle of the night because I woke up thinking I was having an asthma attack for the first time in 15 years. (Please note that I haven't kept an inhaler in the house for at least 10 years now.) Then I realized it seemed more like my throat was closing up, not my lungs. Can I tell you how scary a feeling that is?? Thursday simply can not come fast enough as far as I'm concerned. I realize I will be in a whole different world of hurt after the surgery but at least it's a controlled and supervised world. I feel very vulnerable being home and alone with all these different health things cropping up. I'm not a doctor so I never know how much of a panic I should get into about things. Not being able to breathe is a no-brainer though. Hopefully it won't be as bad tonight. I currently have some kind of speckling all over the front of my torso. It doesn't itch or hurt but there are definitely a billion little red dots covering my abdomen and going partway up my rib cage. Nothing on my thighs though. Think I should be worried?

My stomach keeps doing this weird spasming thing. It tightens, tightens, tightens to the point of being extremely uncomfortable and then it throbs really hard (you can actually see the feeding tube bounce!) and then it relaxes. It feels like my stomach is tying to eject the feeding tube. It's a seriously gross feeling, like my stomach is alive and has its own identity. Meanwhile, when it relaxes, it only lasts for ~10 seconds and then starts tightening again. It woke me up on Saturday morning doing this. On a whim, I got up, hurried downstairs, and plugged in a feeding. The tightening immediately stopped. I am now plugging in a feeding every time it starts to spasm. It doesn't always stop it right away but it at least stops within a minute or two. So I'm wondering if that's my stomach's new answer to growling when it's hungry. And no, I never feel hungry and I do not feel full after I 'feed'. I don't really feel much of anything in the sustenance department. Weird, I know.

It turns out JT will be leaving Saturday morning instead of Monday morning for his latest out of town trip. Why am I telling you this? Because he was going to keep my blog updated until Scott could take it over on Monday. Meanwhile, since I've decided to sneak all of my technology into the hospital anyway, maybe I'll be up for blogging myself by the weekend. No promises though so you might have to go Saturday and Sunday without updates.

I'm feeling pretty good about the homestead. Everything is cleaned, stocked, and ready for company. The only items left on my list are to find a snow plowing service, mow the lawn (front AND back), and possibly get my gutters cleaned. I will then have accomplished all that is needed for the next few months of my life as far as I'm concerned.

I can't remember if I mentioned it in a previous blog or not but I've been getting gifts from my coworkers all over the place. Management presented me with a card full of cash (they had wanted to buy Scott and I a day at the spa but then found out I hate the spa), then my peers got together and presented me with a card full of cash today, plus Lisa gave me a gift bag that was supposed to be from the company as a whole that had lotions, and a TV blanket, and a scented candle, and whatnot in it. Not only am I getting hugely spoiled but I can now make my mortgage payment two months in a row, no worries. How crazy is that?? My coworkers are the best!

I think I need to start keeping a log, and along with a log, maybe a score sheet. And peeps need to weigh in on who's the Gomer, me or baby doll. For example, we were laying in bed one night and I was overcome by a huge shiver. He said "What was that?" and I replied "I dunno, someone must have just walked over my grave.". He was dumbfounded. He had never heard that saying before and thought I was bullshitting him. I made sure to Google it the next day and sent him the link.

Then I was telling him that when Kunkel and I were golfing a week or so ago, we saw a woodchuck, and she sang the first half of the ditty. I then sang back the second half of the ditty to her. She seemed surprised. I'm not sure if she didn't know there was a second part or if she knew there was one but just didn't know what it was. Meanwhile, it turns out that honey bunny didn't know there was a second part either. Really?? Is it just me?

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: A woodchuck would chuck all the wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

And on a side note, if you really want a laugh and you have Siri on one of your gadgets, ask her the question part of that ditty. Her response had me rolling!

And then the last one. Or at least the last one that I can remember because these things have been cropping up for 7 months now, I'm just not remembering them all. We were sitting in the waiting room on Friday for my doctor's appointment. I was telling him that I was a bit bummed about my hospital stay because for the past few weeks I had been watching a Mommy Longlegs carrying around her egg sac in the corner of my shower in the basement. The babies finally hatched and there were 100 little dust specks all over the web. It took a week or two but they finally got big enough that you could tell they were spiders. Then I went into the hospital last Wednesday and when I finally took a shower again on Friday morning, all the babies were gone! I mean gone, gone. I figured at least a couple would hang around. Maybe spin a web in each corner of the bathroom or something but nope, they disappeared without a trace. Baby doll just sat there in his chair, in the middle of the waiting room, with his mouth open, looking at me. He wasn't baffled about 100 baby spiders disappearing so completely. He was baffled as to why I spent weeks watching this whole adventure unfold instead of just squashing the poor thing. First of all, Longlegs are supposed to be good luck, who doesn't know that? Secondly, I swear I read at some point in time that their mouths are so small they cannot actually manage to bite a human, even if they wanted to, so they're absolutely harmless. Third, it was like having the Animal Planet channel live in my home. How can that not be cool??

Okay, I'm about rambled out. It turns out there might be a teeny tiny difference between spending a day lounging on the weekend and putting in a full 8 hour day at work. At least that's what my body seems to be telling me. Luckily tomorrow is only a half day at work and then the company is taking us out to a baseball game. I won't be able to partake in the pulled pork, BBQ chicken, and all the fixin's that they'll be serving but let me tell you, I sure as hell will be taking advantage of the beer stand! Plus I get to see Kunkel. That little brat goes on vacation but then sends a text saying that she's been called back for round 2 auditions to be on Wheel of Fortune. How freaking awesome is that?? I can't wait to hear every last detail about it!! I want to go on a game show! Maybe I should add that to my bucket list................