August 17 - I'm a big fan of the TGIF saying but I have to say, it's a little more heartfelt today than usual. It has been a somewhat long week back to work and I'm looking forward to being a total blob this weekend.

I think there are a few different parts to my tiredness:

1. I'm back to work for 9 hours a day after 6 weeks of laying on my couch doing nothing. I'm sure the uptick in activity has surprised my lazy ass.

Note: I will be taking a work laptop home with me tonight and finding it a spot in my computer room. I'll feel better once I know things are in place just in case I can't make it through a work day/week.

2. I haven't been sleeping very well. I seem to be a bit stressed about the effects of the radiation. If they told me they were going to zap me and it would make my hair fall out, I could process that info, accept it, and move on. The fact that I have been told there are 30 different potential side effects that could be anywhere from mild to severe, and nobody really knows what it will be for me, because everyone is different........well, the control freak side of me is not at all happy with that. I may have been a bit surprised by how abrasive and brutal the ENT surgeon was the first time I saw him but at least he laid things out in black and white and I knew exactly what was coming down the chute. And I know worrying and stressing about things isn't going to change them but unfortunately, I can't seem to find the magic button that will turn my brain off and stop me from thinking about the next 4 months.<sigh>

3. The radiation might already be zapping energy although I was told I wouldn't really feel it until 2-3 weeks in so I'm not leaning towards this reason.

So yes, there WERE 16 beepy alarms. Counting wasn't all that distracting though. I've moved on to thinking about more pleasant things like what I can add to my Amazon wishlist or even better, daydreaming about the land I want to buy. Unfortunately, two e-mails to that realtor have not solicited a response. Guess I need to keep looking.

My handyman started work last night. I now have Skyping ability on my computer, my siding has been power washed to a sparkly state, and the rusty laundry pole in the backyard has been almost completely dug up. So far he's just my handyman and not my housekeeping person. My strategy during the week has been to clean one room in my house each day. I'm hoping if I can break it up into small bites like that each day, I will stay on top of things throughout radiation and not get into a downward spiral to living in a pig sty. Fingers crossed!

The only other health related comment is that my upper back/lower shoulders really ache! When I'm walking I can feel each step vibrating through me and causing me pain. Not sure if this is because I totally dolled up all week and I'm not used to wearing heels 4 days in a row, or if the tossing and turning at night is causing uncomfortable sleeping conditions, or what the issue is. This was certainly not one of the possible side effects of radiation that was mentioned to me so hopefully it's something I can fix!