August 30 - Okay, today's focus is pain management.

I'm having a hard time at work. I pop Advil all day long but it doesn't really touch the pain and I've been skating out of work half an hour early just so I can get home and take the Vicodin.

My tongue feels like someone took a cheese grater to it. I don't even want to talk because when you talk, your tongue rubs up against your teeth and it really, bleeping, hurts! There has been a lot of nodding and hand signals going on in my work life this week.

Meanwhile, the Vicodin is weird. It doesn't actually relieve the pain it just makes my brain go all fluffy and wonky so that I'm not really concentrating on the pain. It's the oddest thing and I'm not really liking it.

BTW: The warm mist setting on the humidifier is much more effective and nights are slightly better.

So, I asked to speak to a nurse today when I went in for radiation to find out what can be done before I take a knife and just hack my entire tongue out of my head. I told her what was going on and stated that there had to be something I could take that was stronger than Advil but not on the level of Vicodin. I explained to her that I needed to be functional to put in a full day of work. She was shocked that I'm back to work full time and asked if I was planning on working full time throughout the course of the radiation. I told her that I sure as hell hoped so, I have a mortgage to pay for crying out loud. Meanwhile, I steered her back to my question at which point she veered off and started asking me how eating was going. I told her I was just drinking, not eating. She then asked why I do not have the feeding tube in my stomach and started talking about making an appointment to get it put in. I had a heart attack on her and told her that Dr. A felt that I could get by without it and that I was working really hard to meet that expectation. I told her that if I have any goal throughout the radiation, then the goal is to avoid the feeding tube. Ugh! The convo with this woman was seriously stressing me out! Once again, we got back on the topic of meds. She didn't seem to think there was a medication stronger than Advil but weaker than Vicodin which I have to say, I was a little taken aback by. Really? There's absolutely nothing on the spectrum between those 2 meds as far as pain relief goes?? Anywho, she finally stepped out of the room and came back with a numbing gel that I can paint onto my tongue.

And I was just in the bathroom putting it on and oh baby.....sweet relief.........how I love you so.

I am so astounded by this new development that I think I'm going to make myself some cheesy rice and see if I can manage to eat a little real food while my tongue is numb. How exciting! Tune in next time and I'll tell you how it went!