July 27 - Holy shit. Worst doctor's appointment ever.

So, first thing to clarify. Lis and Kunkel, I am NOT going crazy. The little pouch thing on my neck that I was complaining about yesterday? It's a direct result of the lymph nodes being removed. Not only do lymph nodes help prevent infections, they also move excess liquid in your body. Since I am now missing a number of lymph nodes in the right side of my neck, the liquid is building up. Once radiation starts, this pouch will become even more pronounced. Radiation doc says that eventually the left side of my neck will be able to compensate for the right side of my neck and the pouch will disappear. Unfortunately this takes 1-2 years.

Second thing to clarify. Radiation doc says cancer usually happens because of something rubbing for a long period of time not so much from something getting cut. She said if you continuously rubbed your finger in the same spot for months on end while introducing cigarettes and alcohol, cancer would happen. Weird.

Third thing to clarify. Some light exercise is a good idea. It will help build up some stamina after 4 weeks of lounging and will help combat fatigue once radiation starts. I will be walking on my treadmill for 30 minutes a day starting tomorrow. And yes, I realize walking outside would be much more enjoyable but I'm going to forgo that for two reasons. 1. I'm having dizzy/light-headedness spells every once in a while. 2. I'm still feeling very fragile out there in the big, bad world. My kick assed-ness is taking its own sweet time returning.

Received some interesting details about my surgery that I was unaware of. Instead of removing 10-12 lymph nodes, dude removed 37 from the right side of my neck and 4 from the left side of my neck. 2 of the lymph nodes from the right side of my neck WERE cancerous. Luckily the cancer was still contained in the nodes and hadn't breached the outer shell. But since cancer was present in the lymph nodes, not only will my tongue be receiving radiation but my neck will be as well.

Also, surgeon had to remove good tissue along with bad tissue on my tongue to make sure he got all the cancer. He was able to take a good margin on the circumference of my tongue but he was only able to remove a 3mm margin when it came to the depth of the tumor. If he took more than that, there would have been a serious loss of functionality. The chintzy 3mm margin is the reason he is recommending radiation as an insurance policy against the cancer coming back.

Still not clear on exactly when radiation treatments start but doc is making me cancel my September vacation. I'm guessing treatments will start in the next 3-4 weeks. They really will be 5 days a week for 6-7 weeks.

Side effects:

- My tongue and throat will feel like they are severely sunburned. This means eating will once again be painful and problematic. Normally they go ahead and implant a feeding tube in your stomach before radiation even starts, just to make sure it's available. Doc says she's not going to do this to me. She's going to meet with me every week and keep a careful eye on my weight. She said I will definitely be losing weight but so long as it's a slow loss, she'd rather not put me through the whole feeding tube in my stomach thing. (Phew!)
- My saliva glands will be affected. I will still be producing saliva but it will be thick and mucus-y. This is because my body will be trying to coat and heal the "sunburn". Some people carry around a box of tissues and spit out this saliva on a regular basis (attractive!). Also, some people upon waking up in the morning start coughing or gagging on the saliva build up and end up puking (note to self, buy big bucket for next to bed). The saliva issues should go away ~ 2 months after radiation treatments end.
- After a couple of weeks of radiation, fatigue will set in. Doc gave an example of me choosing to stay sitting on the couch instead of getting up and taking care of the dishes. Hell, that describes my life as I already know it!
- I will need to see my dentist one last time before radiation starts. This is to assess the health of the teeth on the right side of my mouth. A tooth with a cavity or some other weakness will likely fall out because of radiation.

Next week I have an appointment to get a head to toe PET scan. Doc says this is to make sure there is nothing else weird happening in my body (such as lung cancer). I actually need to take Adivan (an anti-anxiety drug) before this appointment because I'm told it takes a full 45 minutes to scan the entire body. Adivan is the drug they were giving me in the hospital to help me sleep so I am happy to revisit that old friend. :-)

I also have a 'simulation' appointment next week. They are going to goop warm plastic on my head and neck. This is to mold a mask of the exact position they want me to be in, each and every time I get a treatment. I guess if you are getting radiation on a different part of your body, they tattoo a permanent dot to mark where they want to radiate. They don't want to tattoo people's faces, hence a Silence of the Lambs type enclosure.

Not so fun fact: Radiation can cause cancer all on its own! WTF??

I think that was all the scoop I received today. Honestly, radiation is sounding a hundred times worse than the damn surgery! I would almost rather have another tracheotomy! I say almost because it's hard for my brain to imagine something more unpleasant than that whole trach experience.

So, on to some fun stuff:

- Had some visitors yesterday. Lis, Kunkel, Carolyn, Chuck, and William all stopped in to say 'hi' and bring me a smoothie, of course. ;-) I didn't think Chuck or William were actual going to make it in the door once they saw the dogs! (Wussy men!) Meanwhile, I forced Lisa to look at my arm (she, in turn, forced Kunkel to look at it as well. Ha!). I just wanted one other person out there in the world to see why I am so totally disgusted with my arm and I now feel better that there are 2 peeps just as horrified as I am. Sometimes the saying 'misery loves company' really does hold true. Lis and Kunkel told me that I'm looking great (and skinny!). It's good to hear even if it's total bullshit. I decided today that maybe it wasn't bullshit though. When the doc first walked in and introduced herself, she commented that after she read all of my files and health notes, she thought I was going to be a hot mess but upon seeing me, she says I look fantastic! That perked me up!

- Added a few more food items to my menu. Had a parmesan crusted tilapia filet with a side of cheesy rice. Mmmmmm. Had the hamburger gravy for dinner last night. Turns out ground beef is not such a good idea. Little pebbles of beef got stuck in all sorts of folds and pockets in my new tongue. Very uncomfortable, not to mention hard to remove. Going to have to freeze the rest of that to eat at a later date. Today for lunch I had stuffed clams, which were fantastic! Next on the list to try is a salmon filet. I also picked up some vanilla protein powder today along with strawberries, blueberries, and bananas. Protein shakes were highly recommended by both JBB and Karen. I just need to hit allrecipes.com to hunt down how to make them!

- One word: Dexter. I remembered that I had started watching it a couple of years ago but Netflix only had the first two seasons available and I was super bummed not to be able to continue it. I was cruisin' Amazon last night on my Smart TV (God, I love that thing!) and found that they have all 7 seasons for $16 a season. That should keep me busy for the next couple of weeks! :-)

- And lastly, I haven't found a vice yet but I've narrowed down where I will be funneling my energy once my life starts returning to norm. I'm going to build a raised vegetable/herb garden in the backyard and I'm going to delve into cooking with a renewed vigor. I'm going to learn how to make ravioli, and authentic Korean food, and lamb, and egg rolls, and.........

Crap, now I'm hungry. I'm off to find some food!